


Lies

by RemyJane



Series: The Best by Far is You [7]
Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: Bed-sharing, Closeted Character, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Platonic Relationships, unhappy relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-19
Updated: 2018-10-19
Packaged: 2019-07-27 10:13:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,459
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16216922
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RemyJane/pseuds/RemyJane
Summary: Nicky wasn’t sure what he’d been thinking when he asked Andre if he’d wanted to stay in his empty spare bedroom, except that something in Andre’s eyes looked as sad as Nicky felt and well- he was just that fucking lonely.————Nicky adopts Andre





	Lies

**Author's Note:**

> Andre, Nicky, and MoJo all speak Swedish to each other. 
> 
> This takes place Andre’s rookie year.
> 
> Also, this fic is kind of weird because nothing really happens, in terms of major plot points.

Nicky wasn’t sure what he’d been thinking when he asked Andre if he’d wanted to stay in his empty spare bedroom, except that something in Andre’s eyes looked as sad as Nicky felt and well- he was just that fucking lonely. 

David was upset with him; they hadn’t been dating long and now there was a teenager living in Nicky’s house. Nicky’s new, very empty house; the kind of house that could hold a family, if he could ever have that sort of thing. He stared at the blank walls and didn’t know what to do with them, exactly. He could hire someone to paint and decorate, of course, but he already felt like he didn’t belonged there. He didn’t want to make it worse. He daydreamed about when there would be family pictures on the walls, children’s toys scattered on the floor. Evidence of life outside of hockey. Proof positive he wasn’t alone. 

For now, though, he just had Andre, who spoke Swedish and slunk around the house skittishly, like a stray cat. Andre was careful with Nicky, around Nicky. Nicky was careful too; he tried not to let on that he was dating someone, because that would inevitably lead to questions that he didn’t want to answer. 

And they might not be together at all, except that David didn’t think he could come out to anyone else either, and there was some comradery that came with that particular brand of misery. So, they didn’t agree on most things, but like two people trapped on the same deserted island, they couldn’t stay away from each other either. 

And the sex was good. 

Andre had only been there a couple weeks. Nicky told himself it was getting better, but he wasn’t sure. That night, Nicky couldn’t sleep. His mother had asked him if he was ever going to get married; Kris’s wife Sofia has just announced that she was pregnant. The news had gone through Nicky like an arrow on fire; he didn’t want Sofia, of course, but he wanted what they would have. He wanted to feel like he belonged where he was. 

He didn’t feel that with David. He felt unsteady, half the time. David was nice. He was charming, even. He wasn’t...he wasn’t anything bad, except that they had such different ideas of a future. 

He wasn’t anything bad except that he wasn’t who Nicky really wanted. 

So, Nicky couldn’t sleep, and it had nothing to do with the footsteps he could hear up and down the hall. 

Finally, he opened the door. Andre looked up with doe eyes, stunned to have been caught. “Let’s have some tea.” Nicky decided, before the young man could speak. 

Tea, and an entire bag of KitKats between the two of them, because if nothing else could make Nicky happy, chocolate could. 

“I didn’t mean to wake you.” Andre said mostly to the steaming mug in his hands. 

“You didn’t.” Nicky admitted. 

“Oh. Why are you still awake?”

“Why are you?” Nicky countered. 

Andre turned pink. “I just...I get nervous, sometimes.” He admitted. 

Nicky remembered. “I did too.” He said, smiling at the old memory. “I stayed with the Nylanders my first year.” 

“Like Alex and Willy?”

Nicky snorted. “Willy was 11.” 

“Oh.” 

“Michael let me stay with them. He took care of me.” Like I’m doing for you, he thought. “They has a hammock on their porch. Sometimes… sometimes if I couldn’t sleep inside, I could sleep in the hammock.” 

Andre nodded, chewing at his bottom lip. “Didn’t you freeze?”

Nicky laughed. “I had lots of blankets. And Michael always came to get me after a few hours.”

“How did he know?”

Nicky paused. “I don’t know.” He admitted. “Maybe he was always listening for kids sneaking out.” Nicky couldn’t imagine Michael Nylander listening to him pace, unable to sleep. But he could imagine him being a light sleeper, used to years of waking up with needy children. 

Nicky had a basket of blankets in the corner of his living room and he slept too heavily to go bring Andre in early on really cold nights; he added another blanket that was filled with down. 

Slowly, Andre opened up more. 

Andre was sweet. He was young, and blissfully unaware of how young he was. He needed attention in a way Nicky would never understand. He needed physical contact in a way Nicky could completely understand. 

It started on the ice, with Andre laughing brighter when Nicky playfully checked him against the boards or roughed him up. Nicky could do that. Nicky could play rough, at least with Andre. Greenie used to start fights with him sometimes and Nicky had always wound up laughing too hard to keep up. Andre protested when Nicky mussed his hair in the locker room, but he kept smiling at him anyway. He fell asleep on Nicky’s shoulder on the plane, exhausted in a distantly familiar way. 

At home, he finally closed the distance between them, throwing his feet into Nicky’s lap as they sat on the couch. Nicky shot him an annoyed look, but grabbed his ankle when he went to pull away. “It’s fine, but I’m not rubbing your feet.” He teased. 

Andre laughed, relieved. 

David hadn’t touched Nicky outside of sex in weeks. No one touched Nicky without his hockey pads. He didn’t need sex, but he did need the affirmation touch provided. Mike and Courtney has been the only people who touched him. Well, them and Alex. But Nicky didn’t talk to Alex much now. 

(Sometimes, Nicky thought that he could’ve died and turned into a ghost and no one would’ve noticed they couldn’t touch him anymore.)

Nicky had been excellent third wheel, Courtney had always teased- but she kept inviting him anyway. Mike would sit in the middle of them, Nicky would inevitably fall asleep halfway through the movie, and he would wake up to the credits rolling while Mike snored and Courtney patiently braided tiny braids in his hair. 

Nicky hadn’t cried when Mike first told him he got traded, hadn’t cried when he’d helped them pack everything up into boxes, but he’d almost lost it when Courtney had hugged him tight. “I’m gonna miss you so much.” She’d whispered tearfully. “I know Mike will too.” 

Physical contact was a bridge Andre was eager to cross and Nicky welcomed it. 

Nicky and Andre fell into a routine of watching TV after dinner when they were home. Andre would cuddle up against Nicky’s side, Nicky would throw an arm over his shoulders and keep him close. 

“I can stop you know, sitting so close.” Andre said quietly one night. 

Nicky glanced at him. “Do you want to?”

“No.” He admitted quietly. 

Nicky smiled. “Then don’t.” 

Andre was quiet for a long moment. “It doesn’t bother you?”

“It doesn’t bother me.” He repeated. “It’s…” he didn’t know the best way to say what he meant. He meant that Andre touching him made him feel like he actually existed, Andre touching him made him finally feel warm. But he didn’t want his words to be misinterpreted; he didn’t want Andre to be uncomfortable. “It’s good, I think. To be close to your friends.”

“Oh.” Andre nodded. “Yeah, that makes sense.” 

“When I was in Sweden, I think everyone cared less about touching, you know? And in America...they act like it’s bad.” They thought it was ‘gay’ and they’d laugh and Nicky’s insides would twist, because he was synonymous with bad in their world. And he couldn’t bring himself to say anything. 

Andre looked up at him, nodding. “Some people in Sweden care.” He said slowly. 

Nicky kept his expression neutral. “Like your Dad?” He guessed. 

Andre turned pink. “Yeah.” He nodded. “He always wanted to toughen me up more.” 

Nicky hated that idea. Andre didn’t need to be tough. Andre was sweet and gentle, Andre had quick hands, quick feet. Andre was going to be great, someday; he didn’t need to be a different person to accomplish that. 

“Don’t.” Nicky said. “Don’t listen to him. You’re good like this. ” Nicky had great advice sometimes, but he never followed it himself. Because Andre didn’t need to change, didn’t need to hide, but Nicky did; Nicky couldn’t tell anyone who he really was, what he really needed. He didn’t want to create drama. But he’d do anything to protect Andre. 

Maybe no one had ever told Andre he was fine the way he was, that they didn’t want to change something about him. Surely his mother, but outside of that...obviously no one like Nicky. 

Nicky knew Andre trusted him, looked up to him. Needed him, to an extent, just like Nicky had needed Michael to take him in. Nicky had really felt like he belonged in the Nylander house. Being surrounded by a loving, warm, affectionate family had made the rest of the struggles of his rookie year bearable. 

Maybe he was selfish for wanting Andre to stay with him- he didn’t have any of the things he’d loved about the Nylander house- but Nicky still needed, and Andre seemed happy enough. 

Nicky should really stop lying to him. 

But, Andre had his own struggles and the last thing Nicky wanted to do was burden him. 

Andre got benched for a few games. The coaching staff floated the idea of sending him down to the AHL to work on his game. Andre would never know that Nicky lobbied against it. Andre needed NHL experience to be a better NHL player, he said. He didn’t do it because he was selfish. He knew what Andre needed and it wasn’t to be demoralized by being sent away.

It was still hard on the rookie. He was learning a new system, a new team, a new country. He was young. He wasn’t as bulky as many of the other players. He was exhausted and hurting and Nicky worried about him. 

“I think you worry about Andre more than you do me.” David said, glancing at Nicky’s phone. 

“Maybe.” Nicky admitted. “You...you kind of know what you’re doing.”

David chuckled. “Kind of?” 

“A bit.” Nicky teased. 

David smiled at him and kissed him. “You want to go again?” He asked, his hand trailing lower over Nicky’s waist. 

“Actually, I need to go home.” Nicky admitted. “Early practice.” 

David groaned. “What about a quickie?” He offered. “I’ll blow you.”

Nicky gave him an apologetic smile as he got up to get dressed. He’d been cold since he’d cum, since David had rolled to the edge of the bed and started checking his email. “Next time?”

“Next time you’re gonna blow me.” David decided. He sat up to kiss Nicky good-bye. 

Nicky stopped at the store on the way home. At his house, he found Andre curled around a pillow on the couch, eyes puffy and red. 

“What’s the matter?” Nicky asked, sitting down beside him. 

“I’m gonna get sent down.” Andre said, wiping his face. “Everyone says-“

“Everyone?”

“All the reporters and everything.”

Nicky sighed and gently sat him up, hugging him. Andre burrowed into his side immediately. “Don’t read the press, it’s never good.” He reminded him. “They always talk shit on everyone.” 

“I can’t help it.”

“Ovi doesn’t read it. They talk about him the most.” Alex used to read his own press, but Nicky had finally convinced him, after years of angst about it, to stop. He was happier for it. “Every year, they talk about how he’s washed up.”

“Really?” Andre sniffled. 

“Yeah. Even when he’s better every year.” Nicky chuckled, pushing Andre’s hair off his forehead and hugging him tighter. “It’s gonna be ok.”

“Sorry. I don’t want to bother you.”

“You don’t bother me.” Nicky promised. “Except when you mean to.” Andre could be a pest when he set his mind to it and he knew that.

Andre giggled. “Ok.” He relaxed against Nicky. “Were you on a date?” He asked after a moment. 

Nicky froze. “What?”

“I mean, you don’t have to hide it from me.” Andre looked up at him, smiling. “I just figured...I don’t know.”

Nicky should really stop lying to him. 

But he didn’t want to. “It wasn’t a big thing.” He said vaguely. “I have some chocolate.”

Andre smiled, distracted. “You have a lot of chocolate for a professional athlete.” He teased. 

Nicky laughed. “Well, chocolate makes people happy. It’s science.” 

Andre stilled, candy bar in hand. “Do you need to be made happy?” He asked. 

Nicky shrugged. “Sometimes, sure.” He admitted. He could only lie to Andre about so many things, after all. 

“What do you...what do you need chocolate for?” Andre asked. 

If Nicky wanted Andre to trust him, he had to tell him something. He should tell him the truth, or as close to it as he could. “I get lonely.” Nicky admitted slowly, picking his words carefully. “I don't have any family here.” 

“Oh.” Andre nodded. “Yeah, that makes sense. Well, you’re like my family.” He said. 

Nicky felt a surge of warm fondness in his chest, coupled with guilt. “Thanks.” 

Nicky was under the impression that most people had problems with their relationships. Added to that, he and David had to keep theirs secret; he thought it was normal that they fought so much. 

Mike did not. 

“Why don’t you guys just break up? You don’t sound happy.” He said over the phone. 

Nicky shrugged. “I don’t know. I don’t want to. We’re happy.”

“Are you?” 

“I don’t know, maybe. People fight, right?”

“Yeah, but you shouldn’t fight about everything.” Mike said. “Courtney and me don’t fight much.” Nicky had never seen them fight, but he figured everyone kept that kind of thing behind closed doors; that’s what his parents had done. As though Kris and Nicky couldn’t tell by the sharp words and slammed doors. 

“Really?”

“Yeah. What do you guys even fight about?”

“I just...I’m busy with hockey. Bur lives with me now. I want…” Nicky trailed off. He wanted things, which was the root of his problems. 

“You want normal relationship things.” Mike finished. “You want, like, to live together and have kids and shit. If he doesn’t want those things, why are you together?”

“Because...I don’t know. You’re making it sound worse than it is.” It really wasn’t bad, it just wasn’t enough. Nicky wanted a family, wanted to belong, and David gave him just enough that he didn’t wither up and die like the plant his mother had given him two years ago. 

“It doesn’t sound great.” Mike said, tone heavy and serious. “You don’t sound happy, Nick.” 

“I’m...I’m happy.” 

Mike laughed. “You’re a shit liar, buddy.” 

Nicky could fake a blank face with those who didn’t know him well, but Mike had been able to read him easily since they became friends. 

Eventually, he had to tell Andre. He couldn’t sleep, again. He could hear Andre’s footsteps pad down the hall. Nicky sighed and threw the covers back, opening his door and following him downstairs to the kitchen. 

Andre looked up. “Tea?” He offered. 

“Yeah.” Nicky nodded, tension mounting his shoulders. 

He waited until they’d made their mugs and settled on the couch. Andre leaned against him. “I’m going to get benched again.” He said quietly. “I’m trying really hard, I am-“

“It’s ok.” Nicky murmured, pulling him closer. “You’re getting better. You’re doing really well.”

“You think so?”

“Yeah.” Nicky nodded. “I do.”

“Ok.”

They lapsed into silence. Nicky was itching to say it, but he didn’t know how. He wasn’t sure he could trust himself to say it the right way; he didn’t want to lose Andre. 

“I- you asked if I was dating someone.” Nicky said into the quiet. Andre looked up at him curiously. “I am. It’s- his name is David.” 

Andre blinked at him and nodded. “Ok.” 

“It doesn’t bother you?” Nicky asked. His heart was pounding in his ears and Andre looked like Nicky had just said the sky was blue. 

“It doesn’t bother me.” Andre looked up. “You’re gay. So?”

Nicky’s anxious energy left him in a flood and he slumped back against the cushions. “Ok.” 

“Did you think I-“

“I didn’t know.” Nicky said quickly. “I’ve only told Greenie.” 

Andre smiled and snuggled in against him tighter. “Thank you.” He said. He paused. “Do I get to meet him?”

“Ha, no.” Nicky said, chuckling. “No.”

“Why not?”

Nicky shrugged. “Because.”

“Nicky…” he whined. “Why?”

“It’s...it’s personal.” 

“Ok.” Andre squeezed his hand. “Sorry.” 

“It’s ok.”

Nicky didn’t tell David. David oscillated between wanting to come out and wanting to stay in the closet. 

“You’re not going home?” David asked, surprised when Nicky snuggled close to him in bed. 

“Bur’s out late.” He lied.

David nodded slowly. “Oh, cool.” 

Nicky wrapped an arm around David and kissed his shoulder. David smiled at him. “You’re sweet today.” He chuckled, rubbing his fingers through Nicky’s hair. “You need a haircut.”

“Hmm.” Nicky hummed. 

David poked his side, making him open his eyes. “Scoot over, you’re a thousand degrees.” 

Nicky spent the night at David’s, waking up when the other man got up for work. “You need to go home.” David said. “I need to go to work.” 

Nicky groaned, rubbing his eyes. “Ok.” He mumbled. 

David gave him an annoyed look. “C’mon, I need to get going.” 

Nicky was still half asleep when he got to his house. He was quiet as he made his way inside, curling up on the couch and pulling a blanket over his shoulders before falling back to sleep. 

He woke up to Andre, Tom, and Mike Latta in his house, making a mess of his kitchen. He stumbled into the kitchen, blanket still around his shoulders. There was flour everywhere.

“Nicky! Do you want pancakes?” Andre asked, grinning brightly at him. 

He looked skeptically at the stove. “I think you burned them.” He said, wrinkling his nose. 

Tom flipped over a blackened pancake and grimaced. “It’s not...that bad?” He said, trying to sound hopeful. 

Nicky shook his head. “It is. Let me.”

He pushed Tom aside gently and took over, salvaging the rest of the batter. 

He found himself smiling as his younger teammates relayed their antics to him from the night before. He liked how it felt to have people in his house; he even liked the mess they generated. 

Tom sidled up beside him at the sink, helping him load the dishwasher while Mike and Andre cleaned the counters and swept up the flour from the floor. 

“Thanks for feeding us.” He said, grinning. 

Nicky smiled. “Well, I can’t let you starve, can I?” He asked wryly. 

“You could’ve kicked us out.” He pointed out. 

Nicky shrugged. “I guess.” 

He hadn’t spent much time with Tom and Mike outside of team activities last year. They were good for Andre though and Nicky wasn’t surprised when they offered to have Andre move in with them. 

“Would that be ok?” Andre asked. 

Nicky smiled. “Yeah. You can always come back if it doesn’t work out.” 

“Ok.” Andre shifted closer to him, leaning against his shoulder. “I’m not moving out because of you, you know.”

“If I was young and fun.” Nicky said playfully. 

Andre laughed and pushed at him gently. “Stop it. You’re fun. Wilso and Latts don’t know what they’re doing either. I don’t know, that would be nice.” 

“Yeah.”

“Did you and Ovi or Greenie ever live together?” 

“No, not really.” Nicky admitted. “I spent a lot of time at Greenie’s though.” Nicky hadn’t lived with anyone else, but he might as well have. After Alex had bought his ridiculous house, they’d spent most of their time there. 

Well, they had for a while. Nicky hadn’t spent much time alone with Alex since he’d grabbed Nicky at the New Years party last year and kissed him. He couldn’t look at him without remembering how Alex’s lips felt against his own; he didn’t think Alex remembered it at all. He was still engaged then.

After Andre moved out, Nicky’s house was quiet. His food didn’t disappear from the fridge at an alarming rate. No one paced around his house at night. He didn’t like it. 

Andre, Tom, and Mike kept coming by to visit him. Periodically, they dragged him along on their misadventures. For some reason, it was extremely important to them that Nicky come see their apartment. 

There were posters taped to the wall and the box the tv came in was still beside the sofa. There was pieces of clothing everywhere; it looked like a place that housed three unsupervised teenagers, but it was theirs. 

“It’s nice.” He said, smiling at them. “You need some...some shelves and things.” 

Mike nodded. “Yeah, probably.”

“Do you want to go to Ikea with us? Burky needs a bed frame too.” Tom offered. 

Nicky didn’t have anything else to do. David was...Maybe they were fighting or maybe David was just temperamental. Maybe he just didn’t like Nicky that much. 

“Sure.” 

Nicky regretted his decision a bit when they were halfway through the sprawling store and Tom had a scribbled list of all the things they needed. 

“I don’t think there’s room in your car.” Nicky told him thoughtfully. 

“Yeah. Maybe they can ship some of it.” He said, shrugging. “Oh! We need picture frames.” 

Nicky needed picture frames, or something, but he wasn’t here to decorate his house. 

“Do you have anything in your apartment?” Nicky wondered aloud. “Besides ketchup?”

“You sound like such a dad sometimes.” Tom snorted, shaking his head. 

Andre grinned. “He’s like everyone’s papa.” He said, bouncing on his toes and throwing an arm around Nicky. 

Nicky groaned. “Don’t.”

“Papa Nicky, I like it.” Mike grinned. 

Because they were hopeless, Nicky had to help them set up all their new furniture too. He didn’t really mind, but he wasn’t about to let them know that. 

“This is how I know you’re not actually from Sweden.” Nicky teased Andre, in Swedish, as he worked on assembling the bed frame. 

“Nicky…” Andre whined. “Be nice.” 

“I am being nice, I’m building your bed.” He said, smiling. 

By the end of the day, they’d put everything together and the boys’ apartment looked like real people lived there instead of a bunch of teenagers. Nicky felt oddly proud of them. 

He shook off their offer to stay for dinner; it wasn’t his place. 

His own house felt hollow when he arrived. He sat on the floor in his living room, hugging a pillow to his chest. He’d texted David, but he said he was with people from work and couldn’t talk. Mike was busy. Alex-

It had been almost a year and he wasn’t sure if he could talk to Alex. 

Even so, when the time came, he went to Alex and his fianceé’s extravagant New Years Party. Everything was covered in glitter and things that sparkled, there were huge plates of food, gallons of drinks, and more people than Nicky could count. He still felt lonely, lost in the crowd. 

Marcus slipped in beside him and looped his arm through Nicky’s. “Hey.”

“Hey.”

“Have you been too busy baby-sitting to call?” He teased lightly. 

Nicky smiled. “Sorry.” He apologized. 

Marcus bumped his shoulder against Nicky’s. “It’s ok. You’ve just been...quieter than normal.” 

“Sorry.”

“What’s wrong?”

“It’s nothing.” Nicky promised. “Just...just nothing.”

Marcus gave him a skeptical look. “Uh huh.” He frowned. “Did you bring anyone?”

“Ah, no.” David had plans- not that they would’ve gone out together in public anyway, not that they could. 

“Me neither.” Marcus said. “There’s lots of girls here. I could be your wingman.” He poked Nicky’s side.

“Probably not worth it.” Nicky shrugged. “I don’t really feel...I just don’t want that.” Nicky had kissed one girl in his life, he wasn’t doing it again just to look straight at a party full of drunks who wouldn’t remember anything in the morning. 

“Ok, you can be my wingman then.” Marcus said. “Try to look good, but not better than me.” His eyes were still smiling; Nicky got the impression Marcus was teasing him. 

Nicky raised his eyebrows. “Hard not to look better than you.” He shot back. 

Marcus clutched at his chest as though wounded, laughing. “Harsh.” He said. “They probably all speak Russian anyway, right?”

“Probably.” Nicky agreed. 

Midnight came and went. Nicky didn’t kiss anyone; he did get a sloppy wet kiss to his cheek from Andre. “Can I sleep at your house tonight?” Andre asked, slurring a bit. 

“Yeah, sure.” Nicky agreed easily. 

David was a little bit the jealous type, it turned out. Maybe he did like Nicky after all; or maybe he didn’t like the idea of sharing Nicky. 

“Bur stayed at your house again?” He asked over the phone. “Didn’t he move out?” 

“He asked, I said yes.” Nicky shrugged. “He’s not here now, if you want to come over.” 

“Nothing happened with him?”

“No. God no, he’s 18. No.” 

David remained unconvinced, but he did come over. He left after sex, while Nicky was sprawled naked on the bed with scratches down his back and cum leaking out of him. “Can’t you stay?” Nicky asked, half asleep. 

David chuckled. “You’re just gonna fall asleep.” He leaned close enough to comb his fingers through Nicky’s hair. “I have work in the morning. Your place is too far.” 

“Some other time?” Nicky asked. He felt needy and he hated it, but he did need more. 

“Yeah, maybe. I don’t know, Nick.” David kissed him briefly and left. 

Nicky pulled the blankets up and fell asleep. 

He needed more. He was lying to everyone he knew, he was unhappy most of the time. Mike said he should break up with David. But...David was one of the only person who really knew him. Everyone else knew bits and pieces of him. David knew all of him, but he didn’t seem to love him. Nicky was too afraid to ask. 

Andre needed things too. Andre needed reassurance and comfort. Nicky do that. He could have chocolate stashed in his house and he could rub Andre’s back and pass him tissues. 

After a particularly bad game, Nicky could wrap Andre up in a blanket and hug him. “I don’t know if I can do this.” Andre said. “My dad-“

“He’s not in charge of you.” Nicky interrupted. 

Andre wiped his face dry on the corner of the blanket. “He’s right though, he said-“

“Shh. No, stop.” Nicky shushed him. “You’re doing so good. It was a bad game. That’s all. We’ll be fine.” Nicky wasn’t sure if that was true, but it certainly wasn’t worse than usual. He wished they could win, wished they could shake the expectations that he and Alex had been shouldering since the beginning, but he couldn’t. 

Andre nodded, shutting his eyes tight. “Ok.” He whispered, burying his face against Nicky’s chest, dampening his shirt with tears. Nicky cradled him close and did his best to soothe him. 

Andre stayed the night that night. Nicky woke up to footsteps in the hallway and he pushed his door open. “Come here.” Nicky said, stepping to the side. 

“I didn’t mean to-“

“You didn’t.” Nicky said. “You don’t have to. You can- if you want to sleep in here, you can.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, if you want.” Nicky said. “It’s raining.” 

Andre nodded and followed him into his room, crawling into bed. “This isn’t weird?” He asked. “Your...your boyfriend won’t care?” 

Nicky settled in beside him, blinking at him sleepily. “You’re not really my type, Bur.” 

Andre giggled and kicked him. “Shut up. You know what I meant.”

“If you don’t want to stay-“

“No, no. I do. This is...better than the hammock.” 

“You’d freeze to death.” Nicky agreed. 

Andre nodded slowly. “Do you think...do you think they’re gonna keep me in the NHL?”

“Yeah, I think so.” Nicky said. “Rookie year is hard. You’re doing well.”

“Ok.” Andre chewed at him lip. “Nicky?”

“Yeah?” Nicky forced his eyes open. 

“Are you...are you happy?”

“I’m fine.” 

“But are you happy?”

“Are you worried about me?”

Andre pressed his foot against Nicky’s leg. “I guess. I mean...yeah. You seem...sad.” 

Nicky shook his head. “I’m ok.” He said. “Go to sleep.” 

Nicky woke up in the morning wrapped in blankets and pillows, with Andre’s back pressed against his. He rolled over and gently shook his shoulder. “Hey.” 

“Mmm, what?” Andre groaned, pulling away. “Stop it.” 

Nicky laughed. “Do you want breakfast?” And Nicky thought he wasn’t a morning person. 

“Scrambled eggs?” Andre asked without opening his eyes. 

“If you get up.” Nicky said. 

Andre finally blinked up at him for a second before cracking up with laughter. “Holy shit, Nicky, your hair.” He giggled. “It’s so bad.” 

Nicky groaned and flopped back down against his pillow. “Never mind. Starve.”

“No, papa, please…?” Andre pouted, tugging at his arm. “I’m hungry.”

Nicky levered himself out of bed. “You’re always hungry.” He muttered. 

Nicky continued to exist in a haze of hockey, letting Andre fill up his free time. David was unhappy that Nicky was always busy, but when he was free, it wasn’t like they could go anywhere or do anything. Well, they couldn’t do anything besides fuck. 

Nicky would take whatever he could get, but David always pushed him away afterwards. He wouldn’t spend the night, he rarely kissed Nicky outside of sex, and he didn’t want to entertain thoughts of a future. “We can’t do anything while you’re playing.” He said. “What do you think would happen if you came out?”

“It would be a big deal for a little while.” Nicky admitted. 

“You could get hurt.” David said, pushing Nicky’s hair out of his face. His eyes softened. “I can’t stand the idea of you getting hurt because of me.” 

“I’d be ok.”

“I just can’t do that, ok?” David said. 

Nicky nodded. “Ok.” 

Alex cornered Nicky on the plane ride home. “Haven’t seen you in a long time.” He said, frowning him. 

“I’ve been here.” Nicky shrugged, trying not to stare at Alex’s lips. 

“Miss you.” Alex said, grinning. “Need my center.”

Nicky managed to smile. No matter what happened off-ice, they always clicked on the ice. “Still here.”

“Yeah here, but not...you don’t come over, don’t go out.” Alex slung an arm around him. “You miss Greenie?” He guessed. 

Alex smelled good, at least to Nicky. Alex always smelled intangibly of hockey and ice. “Did he tell you to ask that?” He joked. 

Alex laughed. “I never say.” He smiled, missing a tooth. “You should come over. Maria has friend, nice girl, single. Maybe you like her.” He offered. 

Nicky’s stomach churned. “No, that’s ok.”

“You dating someone?” Alex guessed. “Maybe we double date.”

“Uh, no. Just...I’m ok. But thanks.”

Andre found him when they got back to the arena, following him to his car. “Can I come over?” He asked. 

Nicky glanced at his phone; David hadn’t responded to his texts. “Yeah.” 

They wound up on the couch with Andre snuggled in against Nicky’s chest and sharing a bowl of popcorn. Nicky felt all the anxiety untwist in his chest. He felt rooted, he felt like he was somewhere he was suppose to be. He felt like Andre needed him, appreciated him. Andre knew who he was, mostly, and he still wanted to be close to him. 

“Do you have chocolate?” Andre asked. 

“In the kitchen.” Nicky nodded. Andre knew where he stashed it. The young man returned moments later and offered Nicky a piece. “Thanks.”

Andre fell back in against his side. “Yeah.” He nibbled at his chocolate. “Do you think we’re doing good this year?”

“I think so.” Nicky said. Even if they weren’t, it wasn’t Andre’s fault. Alex was one of the best players in the world, Nicky fed him goal after goal and they still couldn’t accomplish what they wanted. Nicky didn’t know what else they could do. 

“Ok.” Andre looked up. “Thanks for looking out for me.” 

Nicky squeezed him in a hug, not knowing what to say. 

David did care about him, at least enough to be upset when Nicky got hurt. “Are you sure you want to keep playing?” He asked, tracing his fingers along the stitches in his chin. 

“S’not that bad.” Nicky mumbled. His lip was swollen; he was lucky he still had all his teeth. 

“It could’ve been.” David pointed out. 

Nicky shrugged. “I’m ok.” He said. He hurt, everything hurt, his neck and his face absolutely throbbing. 

David frowned at him. “God, you look pitiful.” He said, shaking his head. “Come here.” He settled closer to Nicky on the couch and hugged him. 

“Thanks.” Nicky murmured, snuggling in against him. He didn’t want David to leave, but he knew he would. 

David stroked his fingers through his hair once and Nicky leaned into the touch. “I hate seeing you like this.” David admitted quietly. “You’re exhausted, you’re hurt...why do you want to keep doing this?”

Nicky didn’t have the energy to tell him. To David, it was just a game. To Nicky...hockey was something he’d always done, something he’d always worked hard on. It was something his father had done, and his brother. It made him feel whole, at least for a little while, whenever he was on the ice. He felt like he belonged, for a moment, whenever a pass connected; it was like he was finally where he needed to be. 

“I don’t know.” Nicky said, barely opening his eyes. “Can you stay tonight?” He asked. 

David shook his head. “I can’t, I have work in the morning.” 

“On a Saturday?”

David nodded. “It’s like a family breakfast thing at the school.” He said. “I’ll text you after, ok?”

David eventually pushed Nicky aside so he could get up. Nicky curled up around a pillow on the couch, forcing a smile when David draped a blanket over him. He kissed Nicky quickly before he left. 

Nicky closed his eyes, but he couldn’t fall asleep. Maybe David would come around. Nicky hadn’t expected him to be gentle with him but he was; maybe he was changing a bit. Maybe he did love Nicky. 

He wished he wasn’t alone. He wished his house wasn’t so empty. He felt like a puzzle with only the edge pieces done; he felt flimsy and empty. He wished Mike was still there. 

Last time he’d been hurt, Mike and Courtney had brought him food and watched movies with him all day. He’d fallen asleep with his head in Mike’s lap, Courtney’s fingers in his hair. He’d felt cared for, loved. 

He wiped his eyes dry on the blanket and tried to forget about it. Who could he trust like that now? Andre has his own troubles, Alex was out of the question. Marcus, maybe, but he didn’t want to bother him. Nicky wasn’t the only one who’d had a rough game. 

He must’ve fallen asleep. When he woke up, Andre was kneeling in front of the couch, looking a little scared. “Are you ok?” He whispered. 

“Just tired.” Nicky assured him. Tired and emotionally depleted. 

“C’mon, you’re too old to sleep on the couch.” Andre teased. 

Nicky groaned as he sat up. He frowned at a bruise on Andre’s cheekbone; how had he missed that? “What happened?” He asked, touching it with his fingertips. 

Andre shrugged. “High stick. You were getting stitched up.” 

“Oh. Sorry.”

Andre herded Nicky upstairs, hovering in the doorway. “Can I...is it ok if I stay here tonight?” 

“Yeah, of course.” 

“Like...in here? Is that ok?”

Nicky looked up. “What’s bothering you?” He asked, sitting on the edge of the bed. 

Andre shifted his weight from foot to foot. “Just...I feel like...I feel like I’m not playing my best.” He admitted quietly. 

Nicky offered up a thin smile. “If it helps, I don’t think anyone was playing their best tonight.” They’d lost 6-5 in OT. Nicky had gotten hit, Alex had gotten in a fight, Nicky had yelled at Alex in the locker room and scared the children. Their play had been sloppy, as a team. The other team’s had as well. It wasn’t pretty. 

“Can I?”

“Of course.” Nicky nodded. 

Secretly, he was relieved. He didn’t have to worry Andre was out doing something stupid and he didn’t have to be alone. 

Andre waited until the lights clicked off. “I started having like...dreams about games.” He said in a whisper. 

“Good dreams?” Nicky asked. 

“Not really.” Andre admitted. 

Nicky slid his hand forward until his found Andre’s arm. “It’s ok.” He said, wishing he knew what to do for him. Andre took it as an invitation to burrow closer, snuggling up against Nicky’s chest. Nicky rested his chin on top of Andre’s head, the younger man’s lanky arm wrapping around him tight. “It’s gonna be ok.” 

“I don’t want to disappoint my family. They’ve worked so hard for me to be here, you know?” Andre’s voice shook. 

Nicky hugged him tight, feeling a surge of protectiveness wash over him. “They’ll be proud of you.” He said. “I’m proud of you.” 

Andre looked up at him, face obscured by darkness. “Really?” 

“Yeah.” Nicky said. Andre ducked head, sniffling. Nicky rubbed his back. 

They fell asleep like that. In the morning, Nicky awoke to Andre tugging at the blankets. “Stop it.” Nicky grumbled. 

“You stole all the blankets.” Andre complained. “It’s cold.” 

“You whine too much.” Nicky muttered, scooting closer. Andre burrowed in against his chest, shoving his cold feet against Nicky’s legs. “Fuck, stop it.” He laughed. 

Andre grinned, grabbing hold of him so he couldn’t roll away. “S’your fault.” 

Nicky sighed and let the younger man cuddle up against him. “How did you sleep?” He asked softly. 

Andre looked up at him, hair falling in his face. He smiled. “Good. I mean, until you stole all the blankets.” 

“No bad dreams?” 

“No bad dreams.” Andre assured him, blushing a bit. “Thanks.”

“If you need anything, I’m here, ok?” He said. 

Andre nodded. “Ok. You too, ok? I’m here too.” He offered. 

Nicky smiled. “Yeah, ok.” He said softly. He cleared his throat. “If you’re gonna stay here, you should make yourself useful and make breakfast.” He teased. 

Andre grinned brightly. “Sure. Does cereal sound good?”

Nicky laughed, covering his face. “No, I want real food. C’mon, I’ll show you.” He rolled out of bed and Andre followed him to the kitchen. Maybe things weren’t exactly how Nicky wanted them, maybe things were going to get worse before they got better, but he was a little less off-balance, a little less lonely.


End file.
